Sunday, January 24, 2010

Confessions of a Grumbler

Last Sunday night I got to experience what church should really be like. Dave opened up his time of teaching for a time of repentance, and one by one people stood up to confess their struggles and repent. I cannot even begin to tell you how real and honest people were, which was so refreshing. I was reminded of the beauty of accountability and how God has given us "family" to help carry us through the trials and tribulations of this world. Since I didn't stand up and share my confession at church, I wanted to use my blog as an outlet to repent. So here it goes... "I repent of trying to control my own life and force my agenda and timing on God, rather than submitting to His plans for me." As much as I try to live in submission and surrender to Him, I still run back to my safety net of trying to control it all on my own. So, I ask for your accountability and prayers as I learn to truly submit everything that I am and all of my dreams to God.

I remind myself so much of the Israelites in Exodus 16 who grumble because they are hungry and thirsty. They had been first-hand witnesses of God's amazing works (the ten plagues, the passover, the parting of the Red Sea), and still, STILL they doubt His faithfulness and ability to provide what they need. They begin to grumble and complain to Moses and Aaron about not having enough food to eat, and so God begins to provide them with a daily portion of manna to get them through. What I love about God is that He doesn't give them more than they need, but just enough to get through that that their reliance on Him will continue, and that they will have to trust that He will provide for them each and every day.

As I read this story a week or so ago, I was so convicted of being just like the Israelites. I have seen God's mighty hand in so many ways, but I still complain when things don't go my way or grumble when things don't happen like I think they should. Yet God is always so patient with me, just like He was with His people back then. He provides me with MORE than I really need each day, but also keeps me searching and hoping for more in the days and months to come. I know now why Jesus told us to pray, "Give us this day our DAILY bread", because He wants our full dependence to be on God and His ability and desire to provide for us.

As I see the people in Haiti starving, thirsty, and crying out in pain after the earthquake that devastated their country, I cannot do anything but stand in the presence of God and repent for my selfishness and discontentment. I am so blessed and have no reason to be complaining about not having a child yet. God faithfully provides what I need each day, and I have been reminded more than ever this week that I need to just be thankful and praise Him for His blessings.

Quick update...Johnathan and I went to our first adoption seminar yesterday. We left feeling very overwhelmed by all of the information, but with even a bigger heart to bring a child out of an orphanage and into our lives and our home. We have another seminar to attend this week, and ask that you continue to pray for peace and guidance as we choose an agency and country to adopt from. Right now we feel like God is leading us in a certain direction, but will wait to share the exciting details with you until we know for sure that God wants us to pursue that route. We love you!



  1. So great meeting up with you on here. Blogging is great, isn't it!!!

  2. I miss you! We need to meet up soon. I wish I could have been there at that Ethos! It sounds like it was an awesome night. I love it when I get to see God working right in front of my face like that! I check your blog all the time so keep writin'!!