Sunday, December 27, 2009

Looking Ahead to 2010


I certainly don’t mean to be a debbie downer, but I want to be 100% real in this blog. So often we show our strength through our weaknesses, but at times it’s a real struggle to find positivity. As an outsider, I want you to know that Brooke and I are immensely blessed and we know it. We live an amazing life, but we experience lots of pain in our sufferings. I just wanted to share a very candid, frank glimpse into how we are feeling. The holiday’s were wonderful, but they were some of the toughest days this year. Here are my thoughts on 2009:

It’s that time of year when we reflect back on the past year and look forward to what the new year has awaiting us. I always get anxiously excited about what I am going to get accomplished in the coming year and I always get sentimental at what the past year had to offer. This year I could not be more excited to move forward. While I am so blessed in so many ways and 2009 confirmed so many of those blessings, it will always be a year of sadness for Brooke and I. It is honestly crazy that another year has come and gone with no baby Akin. 2009 was particularly difficult because of all the steps we took to grow our family (we basically found Nashville Fertility Clinic to be our 2nd home). We had 2 failed IUI’s, 1 successful IUI that gave us a taste of turning the page to a new chapter, only to see it end as an ectopic pregnancy. I remember so many nights of tears, so many negative pregnancy tests, and so many times when I pleaded with God to get us out of this phase in our life. Just thinking about the struggles of 2009 makes me tear up. This has been the hardest thing Brooke and I have ever faced. As a Christian, I am reminded everyday to “trust in the Lord” or to “not be anxious about anything” or I am gently reminded that the Lord has a plan for us. I truly believe all of those things, but it is so hard to really live that out each day. It is so hard to not feel abandoned or to wonder why we are experiencing so much pain.

I have no idea what the Lord has in store for the Akin’s in 2010 but I know the Lord is good and that he will continue to walk side by side with us on this journey. With a new year on the horizon there are new hopes and new plans awaiting us. As sad as I get in this process, I know I cannot give up and stop trusting God’s will for us. I just ask you guys to please join us on our journey. We absolutely cannot do this alone and we need everyone to pray like crazy in 2010. Pray that the Lord will guide us and give us peace with our next steps. Pray for strength, patience, and positivity for each day. Pray that someone else that is experiencing this can be blessed by reading our story. Pray of course for a BABY! Just keep us on your prayer lists (trust me, I am sick of dominating them). We love all of our friends and our families and we THANK YOU for being the bright spot in our 2009. Thank you for supporting us and your continued support as we excitedly begin a new year, which in our eyes is a fresh start!

Johnathan

4 comments:

  1. We love you guys! We can't wait to see what 2010 brings either for you guys. Thanks to both of you for your honesty and sharing. God is glorified through your testimony. We need to see you soon!

    Tara

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  2. My dear sweet children...God has a plan and you are in it, just as you are in my constant prayers. It hurts so much to see you two in despair and I pray for you to experience a sense of peace until your blessed moment arrives. And it will...
    I love you! Mom

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  3. Johnathan & Brooke,

    I found your blog through Carrie's. I hope that 2010 brings many blessings your way. I know it's so hard to understand why things happen the way they do. I often wondered the same thing when all my friends were getting married and here I was having to wait so many years to find the one! Those were tough times too, but I know now why I had to go through those times. I know a baby is a much more emotional topic, but I know God has a plan for you all. Keep faith and I'll be praying for you!

    Jennifer McWhorter

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  4. Johnathan,

    I loved reading your post. You know we are praying for you guys all the time. We think of you non stop and just know God is really working on something big! We love you for sharing your story and your faith and even your really hard moments and struggles. You are both such an inspiration to me!

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